Falling into Myself

I’ve fallen into myself
And during my decent I’ve found out I’m not such a good place to be
There’s not much room for me
Its kinda crowded in here, my insecurities keeps bumping into my confidence
And I keep rubbing elbows with the demons inside of me
Heartbreak and love keep fighting over whose gonna write love letters on my walls
Until love breaks heartbreaks jaw
I tried to clean it all up to give my skeletons room to dance
But they keep cutting their feet on
broken hearts and shattered romance
So now they hide in the closet picking pieces of heartbreak out their feet
Bobbing their head to the beat of the tunes in the background

It’s the voices from my past girls echoing in my ears
You can vividly hear the first one as she says “I never did this before”
And he responds with “don’t worry I got you”
As he presses her back up against the door
And kisses her until her love caves in
Digging her nails into his back leaving fingerprints on his heart
And he touches her so deep that he scratches the surface of her soul
And she whispers “I Love You” but he remains silent
Because in his eternal love with all his internal loves
even her words get old.

You see I’ve fallen into myself
And right after I made a quick stop at my heart
To plug my headphones in and listen to my rhythm
As I started free styling
Spitting poems into my bloodstream, into my nervous system
To make sure I felt myself “Damn I love that beat”
Until I was slingshot past my eyes
Where I barely had enough time to get a good look at myself
took a detour to my mind
So I could sit on my cerebellum smoking brain cells
And getting high off my knowledge
Wondering how long it would take me to
Locate my soul, I feel like Its close
Maybe its too dark, maybe its not the way I pictured it
Maybe it doesn’t glow with a bright brilliant emerald tint
The way I described it in poems
Maybe I can find it if I squint

Deeper I fall into the darkness which is me
The darkness I once tried to run from
Out of fear of being banished by light skinned peers
The darkness I once wished I could wipe off
With clothes made of Egyptian cotton sown together by ra
It was before that I found out that
The man I was becoming was not so becoming
Of the man I once wanted to become
wondering why was I cursed this way
Why do I talk this way, walk this way,
Think, act, feel, live, and love this way
But I’ve realized this darkness is within
And all I have to do is open my mouth to let light in
And that’s when I hit the bottom of my self
So I started digging myself a little more
Just to get deeper
Lowering my voice into catacombs
Echoing through your ears
Letting the light flow free
So you will remember me
When words get old and you behold
Those scratch marks I left on your soul